Almost Halloween !!!

So .. I am sitting here waiting on my mom and dad to get home so I can run errands. I want to go see my nephews at the Trunk or Treat and then I am going to a Halloween/Housewarming party for a friend .. and then I am going to see DOWN THE BOULEVARD at the Freakin Frog !! YAY !!! So excited .. busy day, but SO worth it. I must get Panda Express while I am out .. and track down a Halloween costume :o) We'll see how things turn out ..

Baby it's cold outside ..

It is REALLY cold and windy outside .. I would love to curl up next to a sweet guy and watch a movie and drink some hot cocoa with COOL WHIP (not a fan of cocoa with marshmallows). SO .. looks like that isn't happening any time soon .. oh well .. it's a nice thought ..

P.S. I Love You

So, I finally watched "P.S. I Love You" .. GREAT movie .. I cried all the way through it. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's about the 1 year journey of a girl who's husband just died. Although Aaron didn't die, I feel I am on the same journey. I haven't found anyone who I want to be with that wants to be with me too .. Maybe I'm not ready to. Maybe I'm not ready to fall in love .. I know I want to be in love and I wanna be happy again, but maybe my heart and subconscious just aren't ready .. I know I need a lot of attention and maybe subconsciously I find the guys who are unable to give me the attention that I need. I'm not asking a lot of "Mr. Right" .. But all I have found is "Mr. Right Now" and that's asking a LOT of him .. But at the same time .. I don't wanna be alone forever .. I am just hurting so badly right now .. my head is spinning ..

depressed

I have a lot on my mind .. I have a big heart and I always let people in. Do I have unrealistic expectations of people? Perhaps. Does my heart feel like it's pounding out of my chest? Absolutely. I expected Aaron to keep his word when he promised me forever. I expected Todd to try and get better and not take her back after she hurt him. I expected Terry to still call when he said he wanted to date me. I expect people to be consistent. I expected my divorce to stay closed after it initially was. I expected karma to come true .. I am a good person. I have a big heart. There is stuff missing in my life. I don't know what it is .. I want to feel whole again, but no matter how hard I try, there is still something missing.

migraines

Stress enduced migraines are the WORST !! I took some migraine pills earlier and they DULLED the pain .. but it came back with a VENGENCE !! So, THANK YOU Raul for the Excederine Migraine !!! It did the trick !! It even took the nausea away !! YAY !!! You deserve a card of something !!! :o)

MARGARET ANNE FLYNN!!!

You are such a good friend (even tho you introduced me to 2 of the people who have hurt me most in my life .. LoL .. BOYS SUCK) .. hahaha .. Anyway .. we are going out tonight and I am SO excited !!! I love you and am SO glad that I have you in my life .. don't let this give you a big head or anything .. but YOU ROCK !! XoXoX

There are so many things in life that change a person. I used to be strong willed and had confidence in myself even tho I had low self-esteem. Where did I lose my self-confidence? When did I become so shy and reserved? I have always been shy, but now I almost have a FEAR of people. I used to spend countless hours on the phone with both my girl friends and also the boys I liked. Now, I'd rather send a call to voicemail and immediately text the person back. I have changed in the past 7 years. I am not saying it's Aaron's fault, BUT .. I know he had a hand in it. I would like to have some of the old me back. A little over a month ago, one of my girl friends was shocked by my fear and refusal to give a guy my phone number. She told me that this "isn't the Erinn I know" .. She said that I always went after what I wanted, and got it .. Hate to break it to you honey .. But I'm not that girl anymore .. I am feeling a bit down in the dumps again over boys (although I had a VERY positive and directional conversation in the past week) .. But it's just standing still. I need to find the nerve to just call .. I think tonight is another HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU kind of night .. Damn .. The script writer modeled GiGi after me! Good grief!!