"He's Just Not That Into You"

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope. 

I am one of those girls who is waiting for my happy ending. I have dealt with a lot of bullsh!t in my life and it's about time that I get to be happy. I was married right after high school and became a mom very soon after that. A month after my 25th birthday, my divorce was finalized. I am now a 25 year old divorced mother of two. I was a wife/mother for so long that I lost who I was completely. So, I have been spending the past year finding out who I am and just enjoying life. The one thing that depresses me time after time is finding the wrong guy. Even when they seem like they could be the RIGHT guy .. something always scares them off. When guys blow me off, they usually don't give me a reason why. They usually just stop talking to me without an explanation. No matter how many times I get blown off, it doesn't get any easier, although I am a LOT more used to it now. Most recently, it happened today. 

Rewind about 2 weeks: this guy started pursuing me and he would call or text me VERY diligently. He was showing his interest very much. He asked me to meet up with him on many occasions; however, most often I told him no (it was nothing against him, it was either I had my kids, or I was waiting for my paycheck). Then one day, about a week of him asking me to hang out, I said yes. We hung out and things were great. We completely hit it off. He was a complete gentleman and I was rather impressed. We continued to talk/text for the the next week and I was the one inviting him to hang out, but he always had something going on. This has been my life the past two weeks. Last night, I invited him to come over and watch a movie with my brother and sister-in-law. He called me and said that he had car trouble and his car was being towed to the shop but had that not happened he was going to come over. Anyway, I was pretty bummed but got over it. We were texting a bit today, and then at 2:12pm today, he called me and asked if I had a few minutes to talk. I said yeah. I thought he was going to ask me if maybe I could get a sitter for my kids and drive him to the auto shop. However, he did not. He told me that he couldn't date me BECAUSE I HAVE KIDS!! He said that OTHER than me having kids, I was perfect for him. He said I am great and that he really likes me, but he just can't get past it. And then the kicker .. he said he hopes we can be friends. What I wanted to say was "FUCK OFF" .. but I didn't. I told him that I don't think it'll happen .. at least not any time soon. I really thought this guy had potential. 

Now I am sitting here fighting back tears from my 6 year-old. I love my kids and I am NOT sorry that I am a mom. They are my heart & soul and if someone can't accept the fact that I have kids then I know I am better off without them in my life. I just don't wanna be alone forever either. I don't HAVE to be alone right now if I don't want to be. There are two guys who have made if VERY clear that they want to be with me, BUT I am not interested in either of them in THAT way. Both of these guys accept the fact that I have kids and love the idea. But I can't compromise my heart/happiness just so I am not alone. One of my best friends said right after I told her what happened today, "Well it is really hard to take on a family! Its gonna take a really special kind of guy and that takes time to find. Ask [my sister] ... it took her like 6 years." Six years .. seriously? I don't want to be alone that long. Maybe I should just get used to it .. seems like I'll be alone forever ............